Invasion of the Body Switchers and others!
by incurelf
Summary: In which I switch the Fellowship around. Enjoy, and please review. 3rd chapter up!
1. Chapter One: Stuff

This is going to be told through Legolas' eyes. Well, you know what I mean. 'S supposed to be his diary. Whatever. Carry on.  
  
DAY 1 Elrond held some council today. Went because I HAD to see if any of these foreigners were prettier then me. Weren't. Knew it. Volunteered to go throw some ring into a volcano. Useless $#!T. Whatever. Had to go. Aragorn is going, and if they meet any chicks they might fancy him (not sure why because he hasn't taken a shower in like, 20 years, but the girls seem to like him. Well, when I'M not around..)  
  
DAY 2 Set off from Rivendell. Would've led the way, but I didn't know it. Took second after Gandalf. Some wizard dude. Don't think he's taken a shower in about 20 SCORE and 2 years. How do I know this? I just do. Washed hair in cold stream today. Hate cold water. Makes my hair greasy more quickly.  
  
DAY 3 Walked some more. Brushed hair the whole time. V. shiny. Passed a nice little lake today. Would've washed hair, but must conserve shampoo. Told Aragorn to take a bath, but that @$$hole said he didn't need to take a bath to be hotter than me. As if! He couldn't be hotter than me if he washed more than I do!  
  
DAY 4 Wrote home today. Asked to send some v. strong shampoo for Aragorn. Told them to send it ASAP.  
  
DAY 5 Stopped to rest today and some blasted birds came along. At first I thought it was Aragorn's shampoo, but it turned out to be crebain from dunland. Some other wizard sent them. Had to hide under bushes. Got dirt in my hair. Pouted.  
  
DAY 6 Decided to take the Pass of Caradhras. Enjoyed watching everyone else struggle through snow whilst I walked on it. Didn't offer to help. Laughing too hard. I have the sneaking suspicion that Sam is a little too loyal to Frodo. Whatever.  
  
DAY 7 Saruman sent a couple of avalanches this time. Decided to go through mines of Moria. Gimli, the bastard, kept talking about how good the mines were, blah blah blah. Worried about them. Should be very dark. Are there lakes in mines? Don't think dwarves wash much, if ever. The other day Aragorn and Gimli walked together, and EVERYONE stayed at least 20ft away. Idiots.  
  
DAY 8 Worst day of my life. Even worse than when I had to get my first & ONLY haircut!!!  
  
So, why is he writing differently? Why is it the first day? You can probably figure out, but with some.I won't go there. I'll get you the next as soon as I can and you review it!!! (  
  
Legolas is HOT and I hope you enjoyed it. Namarie! 


	2. Chapter Two: the Mines & Lorien

Oh my GOD I cannot believe I completely forgot about this story. I am sooo sorry. I doubt anybody cares, but that's alright. : )  
  
To my reviewers:  
  
Arwen: Yes, I do enjoy your reviews. Lol. I'll try to make Legolas sexier. : ) thanks for ALL of your reviews!  
  
Chunkypeanutbutter: lol. I like your pen name. I'm VERY glad you found it funny! Thank you!  
  
Raberba girl: Cool! I'm also confused as to why I'm continuing it, but I don't like things left undone. Thanks! : )  
  
Lethuil and Lizzie: Yeah I know. I've written better.  
  
Eve of Mirkwood: Never mind. I'm not sure why it's there, but I don't feel like taking it down, so.yeah.  
  
On with this weird and not-so-good fic!  
  
Day 11: I haven't been able to write for a couple of days because I've been in a state of shock. I am in Aragorn's body. Yes! His dirty, greasy, ugly, HUMAN body! I can't believe it! At least this gives me the chance to give him a good wash though. But what will he do to me? My beautiful hair? My sexy legs? My eyes? My.my.beautiful elven beauty? Too distraught to write anymore. Love from, Legolas, way hot-sexy-cool-perfect-in-every-way elf of Mirkwood  
  
Day 12: Still not ki-I mean still Aragorn. Oh my.my.I don't know! We don't have god in Middle Earth! Garn. I'm starting to SOUND like him! And my, er, HIS body wouldn't let me take a bath! That's INSULTING! Insulting I tell you!  
  
Day 13: FINALLY! He's CLEAN! But I'm...my BODY! My HAIR! What has he DONE to me? Going into Mines of Moria tomorrow. At least there I won't have to see me. Normally I can pose for HOURS in front of the mirror (my record is 89 hours in front of a mirror trying on Elrond's, Arwen's, and Glorfindel's clothes in Rivendell) but.my hair! It's GREASY! No! it hasn't been washed for a whole DAY! I don't know what to do! Have written to Mirkwood, Rivendell, AND Lothlorien for help. No response yet. You'd THINK Galadriel would see us in her mirror, but she's probably off cheating on Celeborn with Tharanduil or something.  
  
Day 14: That dwarf...I will KILL him one day! He's making fun of me! He called me..oh, I can't say it. But I will. He called me PAM-HEAD! I HATE him! (the rest of the entry was unreadable because the ink was all smeared)  
  
Day 15: The Mines of Moria SUCK, by the way. I hate dwarves! I...hate...dwarves..and STILL not kin-no, Legolas! Still not LEGOLAS!  
  
Day 16: I wonder why I'm still thinking like an elf. I think a Balrog's coming.  
  
Day 17: A balrog DID come. I, of course, ended up LAST to jump across a CRUMBLING staircase. And, of course, FRODO was with me. Stupid Aragorn, HE got to jump across FIRST, just because he has my long beautiful sexy elven legs.  
  
Day 18: I'm sorry, did I mention that Gandalf fell into shadow? I was so caught up in the most urgent problem, Aragorn fouling up MY beautiful body, that I forgot. My bad.  
  
Day 19: In Lothlorien. I have the sneaking suspicion that Tharanduil's here. Must go find out.  
  
Day 20: He IS here! And he never sent me that order of shampoo either! I hate them.  
  
Day 21: Galadriel said she would change Aragorn and me back IF I would agree to teach her how to braid my beautiful-blond-sexy-shiny hair. NEVER! That is a secret I shall NEVER tell!  
  
Day 22: I think Haldir knows my secret. He had a braid too! I hate Lothlorien elves. I hate dwarves. I hate Middle Earth. I'm moving.  
  
Day 23: Plan to move unsuccessful, as I am in a hum-el-a-elf-HUMAN body (his body keeps trying to write ELF).  
  
Day 24: I'm free! Free! I'm in my beautiful-sexy-hot-perfect-in-every-way body again! FINALLY it got washed! Yes!  
  
Day 25: Leaving Lorien. Good. I hate it here. Tharanduil still hanging around with Galadriel. Stupid Celeborn. Wonder why she married him if she's gonna go and fool with other elves.  
  
Day 26: I have to share a boat with GIMLI. But at least I'm in my own beautiful-sexy-hot-perfect-in-every-way body.  
  
Day 27: I woke up this morning and I had a lot more hair and everyone was really tall. I have a REALLY REALLY BAD feeling about this.  
  
Ok.should I continue? I don't think so, but if you want me to, I will. PLEASE review because I need to know how I've been doing lately. See ya! 


	3. Boromir's death, Mirkwood, and Gondor

This has taken me ages and ages. Oh well. Enjoy.  
  
Day 28: Am..a...DWARF!!! In GIMLI'S body! The world hates me. May decide to move after all. After all, I could take my own boat and go away and leave.but in a DWARF's body? Uh, no. So what am I going to do??? Oooh, I know. Write to Galadriel!  
  
Day 29: Did I mention that there has been MORE body-switching? Gimli is in Boromir's body, and Boromir is in mine!!! Well, as long as the dwarf isn't. And Boromir's a nice kinda fellow, even if he is a little obsessed with the Ring. I wonder if the Ring would look good on me. It might help this dwarfish body. Yes..shall ask Frodo to borrow it, that's what I'll do..  
  
Day 30: Wrote to Galadriel:  
  
Dear Galadriel,  
  
Something very strange is going on. I am in Gimli's body, Gimli is in Boromir's, and Boromir is in mine! I don't know what to do, so if you could send a hair and make-up kit, that would be great. Thanks!  
  
Legolas  
  
Ps: a cure would be good, too. Just remembered.  
  
Day 31: Landed at Amon Hen. Have a feeling something horrible is going to happen. Not sure what, though.  
  
Day 32: AI, AI! The most horrible things have happened!!! You see, apparently Boromir was supposed to die yesterday, fate and all that, and he did. With ONE little hitch. HE DIED IN MY FRIGGIN BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And they through it over the waterfall and no this is NOT happening!!!!!!!!!!! Will leave tomorrow for the gray havens.  
  
Day 33: On my way to the Gray Havens.  
  
Day 34: Stopped at Lothlorien, again. Galadriel insists she can't help me. Shit.  
  
Day 35: Left Lothlorien. Have written Saruman to see if he can send me that moth Gandalf used to summon Gwahir.  
  
Day 36: He sent it! Very obliging guy, he is.  
  
Day 37: In Mirkwood. Am avoiding all contact with elfkind.  
  
Day 38: So much for that. Am now in Tharanduil's dungeons. Stupid elf. Doesn't even know his own son.  
  
Day 39: I WILL get to the gray havens! I will!  
  
Day 40: Tharanduil got a message from Gondor today. Said they found my body and were sending it back. Not sure why.  
  
Day 41: Tharanduil celebrating, the souless bastard. Cried.  
  
Day 42: Tharanduil stopped celebrating. I think he guesses..  
  
Day 43: Out of dungeons, and my body! My beautful body! Looks pretty good for goin' over a waterfall and into Gondor and through Gondor all the way up here to Mirkwood. Will send Faramir some chocolate.  
  
Day 44: Chocolate sent. The good kind, too. Shaped like little One Rings and White Trees of Gondor and sword pieces.  
  
Day 45: Got thank you note from Faramir. Nice guy.  
  
Day 46: Have changed my mind. Will go live in Gondor. Maybe kick Aragorn's ass while I'm there.  
  
Day 47: In Gondor. Galadriel visited yesterday and taught me how to astral- project.  
  
Day 48: Gondor boring.  
  
Day 49: Visited Ents. Slow creatures, took them 6 hours to say 'hello'.  
  
Day 50: Still with Ents. I think they just finished with 'how are you today', actually.  
  
Day 51: MUST..LEAVE..ENTS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Review, please.  
  
Incurelf. 


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